Space DogS

Neff approached his favorite bar in the asteroid belt. The bars neon pink sign was flashing a welcome to come inside. Neff pushed open the door and made his way to the corner. The window’s shutters only partially prevented the light from entering the bar,so anybody near that end of the bar was occasionally lit up with pink lines. Neff liked the effect. The pink lines on his black skin made him look tribal. Neff went to his usual spot at the the corner of the bar and waved over to the barman.

“The usual Neff?” quizzed the barman.

“No. Today is special. I will have a bourbon on the rocks.”

The barman whispered in a conspiratory manner “I will not charge for the rocks.” and winked.

Water was an expensive commodity in the belt and cost more than the bourbon Neff had asked for. The barman poured the golden liquid over the glistening ice and pushed the drink towards Neff.

Neff examined his glass which kept oscillating from clear to pinkish due to the glow from the sign. Neff waited for the ice to melt a little and the drink to cool before taking a sip then turned to the man next to him.

“I hear you are the owner of the fine ship, the Salty Dog.”

The man sat up a little from his slouch. “Who’s asking?”

“My name is Neff. I thought we could do some business.”  

The man turned to Neff. His eyes were bloodshot from the drinking. His face a little flushed underneath his unkempt greying beard. The man was rotating an empty glass.

“Could I have a drink for my friend here. What is your pleasure?”

“Bourbon huh?” quizzed the man looking at Neff’s drink. “I will have the same with the ice since you are offering”

The barman poured the drink and passed it to the man.

“Ahem” said the man.

“Anything wrong?” said the barman.

“Well my friend here had three cubes. I only got one. I am sure you do not want to insult my friend here with such a poultry offering?”

The barman glanced up at Neff, who nodded slyly. The barman fetched more ice cubes and put them in the glass.”

The man looked satisfied. Neff waited until the man took a sip before asking - “So the Salty Dog. Unusual name for a ship. What’s the history ?”

“I liked the name, it reminds me of when we sailed the seas rather than the skies.” The man’s eyes  focussed somewhere into the past of history and smiled.

“It kind of screams of pirates don’t you think?” asked Neff.”Doesn’t that attract attention by the EPA?”

“Yes.” said the man matter of fact “I get boarded all the time. Surprise inspections, custom checks, almost guaranteed to be intercepted at least once on any run.”

“But that would make life difficult for an honest trader?”

“I am an honest trader”

“You know what I mean those extra deliveries that makes life worthwhile”

“Don’t need any of that hassle. As I said I am an honest trader”

“But you are getting hassled all the time. Surprise inspections, custom checks the interceptions that you just mentioned”

“Ah, but that’s where it is clever you see.” The man looked at his empty glass that he had just finished. Neff was a little puzzled on how the man could drink that quickly including the ice cubes and talk, but  got the hint and ordered another one from the barman. The barman put three cubes in this drink again.

“Thanks kindly. Very thirsty work this.” said the man picking up the glass and taking a large sip.”

“This what?”

“This explaining.” The man sucked in a breath went cross eyed with concentration then continued. “Do you know what my delivery rate is?”

“No… ventured Neff. 60% ?”

“100%” said the man proudly. “Since everybody knows my ship always gets boarded I am 100% successful on all the goods I deliver.”

“You can’t make that much from legitimate goods.”

“You misunderstand. I do take on weapons, medical supplies, and other high commodity items, so long as they have the correct paperwork and are legitimate government or faction contracts.”

“Aren’t you slowed by the interference? An inspection can take time. Customs are notorious for slowing down the unloading of your goods.”

“Not for me. See my paperwork is spot on. I pre-send the documents before I arrive. My cargo is in glass containers, so you can see what’s in them. In fact my ship is laid out to make inspections as quick and convenient for the inspectorate as possible. “

“So you have streamlined that side. What else?”

“Do you know how much it costs for defensive weapons, escorts and anti-piracy specialists?”

“Yes. I am one.” said Neff.

“The man chuckled. Exactly. I don’t need much in that department as I am always boarded. A few whispers in the correct ears makes the authorities think I am up to no good and I get the best free escort money can buy. Real pirates avoid me as the last one that did was intercepted by the EPA doing one of their surprise inspections.”

“That’s clever, but you can’t rely on luck that you will be inspected at the right time.”

“Well, you can if you bribe the correct people.”

Neff laughed. “Who would think that bribing the EPA to do their jobs would be beneficial.”

“Not only that, but the EPA get kudos for hitting their boarding targets.”

Neff thought some more. “But this will make you an enemy no?”

“Only of people I don’t like. While I am distracting the EPA , my other associates are free to make those lucrative runs you alluded to earlier.”

Neff laughed again. “Professional distraction. Doesn’t the government realise?”

The man looked at his empty glass again. Neff asked the barman for a bottle of rum this time and two small glasses. He poured the brown liquid into the glasses and pushed the fuller of the two to the man.

The man sipped the run. “Very nice my friend.” he continued. “Did you know how poorly the EPA boarding and anti piracy rates were before my arrangement. Like all government agencies they have targets and so long as they hit those, everybody is happy.”

“What about the fools that try and take you on?”

“Those are usually people new to the business. Not established privateers…. Green. Which is usually the colour they go when the EPA turn up.” The man started laughing at his own joke.

Neff said. “Well you were recommended to me to be able to safely guarantee delivery.”

“So long as it is nothing illegal. I am an honest trader.” The man chuckled.

“Perfectly above board. Two very important items.”

“What are they?”

“I will be moving to Mars in the near future. I wish some of my personal effects to be delivered.”

“And these are?

“My Fender Stratocaster as used by Big Bob and more importantly my wardrobe.”

“That sounds fine. How many suitcases of clothes?”

“Suitcases - No my friend. Two air-sealed 60 tonne containers. Can’t have my clothes creased now. How big is your ship again?”